Meet Armand Hammer

He was an amateur abortionist, bar brawler, oil magnate and hierarchical owner of the company that brought us the Love Canal. A friend to politicians, he liked the baking soda so much, he bought the company. Armand Hammer was a man with many hats.

In the early 1970's, Armand wanted what all these dudes want. Money and Power. During the glory days of the Cold War, Armand wanted to trade with Russia. Case-in-point, he wanted to sell 20 billion dollars of fertilizer to the Soviet Union and he wasn't going to let a little thing like bank credit regulations get in his way.

Hammer gave Nixon's Committee to Re-Elect the President (CREEP) $54,000 and coincidentally, Nixon gave Russia favored trade status. Hammer got his bank credits and Nixon got his slush fund money. Unfortunately, Armand donated the cash anonymously and that was against the law. Hammer made things worse when he paid people to lie for him and hide his activities, in a scheme straight out of a Dick Van Dyke sketch.

When Nixon told Haldeman:

"First, it is going to require approximately a million dollars to take care of the jackasses (Watergate burglars) that are in jail. That could be, that could be arranged."

The President was probably referring to the good fortunes of his good friend Armand.

In order to avoid being charged with obstruction of justice, Hammer pled guilty to three counts of illegal campaign contribution. Judge Lawrence Lydick sentenced him to one year probation and made Hammer pay a fine of $3000. That year was 1976. After that, Hammer went on to become a non-partisan friend to many politicians. From Carter, to Reagan to Bush Sr., everybody loved old Armand. We're looking at you, Al Gore.

Hammer died of cancer in 1990, at the age of 92.

Hammer's Present Day Counterpart:

T. Boone Pickens