November 28, 2003, 1:05 PM:

Used to be there was this little kid with the voice of a man. God he was cute. He could dance like James Brown, sing with the skill of Smokey and emote with the heart of Stevie. This child was amazing.

Now he's a man with the voice of a kid. Now he's some ghoulish version of his former self. He walks a troubled path, seemingly destined for destruction. Long forgotten is the memory of little Michael.

Michael Joseph Jackson has always been the subject of controversy and rumor. Initially there was the disbelief concerning his talent. Nobody that young could possibly sing and dance with such expertise. He could move and groove better than any grown man.

As he moved past adolescence, his singing and speaking voice continued to sound as if he were still a juvenile. Gossip began to surface that Jackson was a castrato. His father had him chemically castrated before puberty in order to preserve his record-selling voice. That scuttlebutt died down but resurfaced during the early eighties when MJ's career evolved from popular to superstar. At that time, Anne Rice had released a top-selling book about the castrati entitled "A Cry to Heaven". This book helped to fuel the Jackson/castrato scenario. Skeptics' stress that Jackson's voice is not castrato like Farinelli or Moreschi but rather he is a countertenor, much like Frankie Valli or Freddie Mercury.

When Jackson achieved mega-stardom, the rumors about him multiplied exponentially. The chimp, the hyperbolic chamber, the vitaligo, the plastic surgeries, the glove. The occult imagery in the song/video "Thriller" caused him to separate with the Jehovah's Witnesses and added a preternatural element to his legend. And there were the kids.

In public photographs, Jackson was always shown in the company of pubescent children. He claimed that Macaulay Culkin was his best friend. He turned his own home into a literal amusement park. Jackson claimed to be the official spokesman for the rights of the young. With songs like "Man In the Mirror" and projects like "We Are the World", Jackson seemed to be an odd but benevolent man.

Then came the great accusation of 1993. What was once rumor became headline news. The man/boy had been charged with manboy love. Media hysteria ensued. There was a hearing and a secret settlement. The case was closed.

It's been nothing but creepy communiqués from Jacksonland ever since. The curiosity about him grows even as his record sales plummet. He's got a new lawsuit, a new baby or a new, unlikely cohabitress. He holds a press conference to speak incoherently about evil Sony records. He dangles his very white infant over a balcony. He still sleeps with children. It's almost as if Jackson is creating the controversy just to stay in headlines.

Now in 2003, he's out on bail under suspicion for sexual misconduct with a minor.

What the hell happened to little Michael? I watched MJ's face when he and Martin Bashir viewed old clips of the original Jackson Five in that television special. He watched with a face so distorted from the face of the child. The older Jackson expressed complete disassociation from his younger image. He looked at himself on the screen as if he were watching a dead relative.

I don't know if Jackson is guilty of pederasty. I do know something very wrong happened to him somewhere along the way. I do know that everyone agrees Joe Jackson was a hard-ass. I do know that as far as child abuse is concerned, the Catholic Church ain't got nothing on Jehovah's Witnesses, except notoriety. I am sure this man has known nothing but show business his entire life. I'm positive he's never been a child or a man but he's always been a commodity.

I hope he isn't guilty. If he's guilty then that means a child was sexually abused. If he's guilty then that means a bunch of good music will be banished from the airwaves. If he's guilty that means he's been doing it for years and other folks have covered it up in the name of record sales. If Michael Jackson is guilty, that means anyone who ever bought his records or watched his cartoon show or saw him in concert, helped to fund a pedophile.